A Mindset Shift: From Achievement Addiction to Embracing the Ordinary
By: Wes Cochrane
What do we do when life and work feel unremarkable?
Can you relate to any of these feelings?
I feel blah. I feel like I’m going through the motions at home and at work.
Everyone, besides me, seems to be getting ahead.
I just feel ordinary.
Is this all there is?
I’m not the best at anything.
I’m not passionate about anything.
Nobody has praised my work recently.
These are all legitimate feelings, and they might have a host of causes. One that you may relate to – and one that has dogged me lately – is an unrealistic expectation that I should be achieving spectacular, measurable results all the time.
We live in a culture where being “ordinary” is discouraged. Think back to the cartoonish efforts we made in high school or college to compile a list of “extracurriculars” in a drive to impress college admissions offices or potential employers.
Consider the humble brags that proliferate social media (looking at you LinkedIn…) where folks announce how “incredibly humbled” they are to have graduated from fill-in-the-blank, or “accepted” an internship or job with fill-in-the-blank.
We are obsessed with achievement. And we’re terrified of being ordinary. And academic studies are bearing this out.
A study published in 2018 found that a survey between 1989 and 2016 of over 40,000 college students from the U.K., U.S., and Canada revealed that perfectionism is on the rise and may be causing increased rates of anxiety and depression in young people. A 2018 Robert Wood Johnson Foundation report listed “excessive pressure to excel” as one factor, among things like poverty, past and current trauma, racism, and sexism that increase anxiety in youth.
This leads to a critical point – there is nothing inherently wrong with achievement. Achievement is a good thing! If you’re anything like me, though, where you might go wrong is in making an idol out of achievement, or passively assuming that you can or should always be achieving.
The reality is that life and achievement are dynamic. Like with anything, there is a natural ebb and flow in life.
Consider farming.
The farmer readies his fields. He prepares them. He sows seed throughout his fields. He waters that seed. He maintains his fields. He waits. The farmer doesn’t curse his seed for growing too slowly. He doesn’t consider digging it up and starting over. He knows it takes time. He knows he can’t rush a harvest. Then, at the proper time, after weeks or months of growth, his fields are ready for harvest..
Compared to the growth, the harvest is short – yet that harvest is what will bring the farmer income. That harvest is how he’ll measure his success.
But no rational farmer would ever expect a perpetual harvest. Yet, that is essentially what many of us do in our lives. At least I have before… It’s easy to forget that much of life is preparing and waiting. And that’s OK. That is ordinary. And there is beauty in the ordinary.
Consider Mirriam-Webster’s definition of “ordinary” – “of a kind to be expected in the normal order of events: routine, usual.”
I’m no stranger to the ordinary. For me, this current season is not a harvest – not even close. Back in the classroom this year, I’m on receive mode. My “work” is to be an engaged student; nothing more. After coming off of what felt like nearly three years of blitzkrieg in my previous work, it all feels rather, well, quiet. And at first blush, that was deeply unsettling. No fires to put out; no one relying on me at work; fewer opportunities to achieve. I had to step back. I had to take note of what season I was in.
When I did that, things made more sense.
So, in this particular season, I’m practicing gratitude. Gratitude for the extra time; gratitude for the extra sleep; gratitude for the uninterrupted moments with my wife and children; gratitude for my dog; gratitude for the chance to practice rest (what Christians call “Sabbath”). I read. I read as many books as I reasonably can (including audiobooks). I’m not reading in a hurry – I’m reading because I can. Because I know it will bear fruit down the road. Because I enjoy it. For the first time in years, I’m gathering regularly with good friends around the digital campfire (thank you Zoom, thank you Google Hangout) – we catch up, we share ideas, we discuss problems to solve. I’m not in a hurry, just enjoying the time. Most of all, during this season, I’m increasingly at peace with how beautifully ordinary life is.
Returning to where we began; if you’re feeling stuck or frustrated or “blah” in this season of life, consider stepping back and adjusting your perspective. Like the farmer, be faithful in the small things. Water, weed, and maintain your lands. The farmer is busy all year. He doesn’t rest on his laurels. He diligently and faithfully tends to his farm as he awaits the harvest.
So what season are you in? Are you sowing? Are you maintaining and tending to the crop? Are you in a harvest?
Leave a comment below and let us know how you embrace the ordinary in your life and work.
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Wes is passionate about leadership development and is a gifted speaker, coach, and teacher. Wes recently spent the last two years as a military prosecutor at the 82nd Airborne Division, where he was consistently praised for his advocacy skills by seasoned trial practitioners.
Wes is a graduate of the United States Military Academy at West Point, the University of Richmond School of Law, and the US Army’s Ranger, Airborne, and Air Assault schools. Prior to attending law school, Wes served as an infantry officer in the US Army where he led a rifle platoon, served as the second in command of an infantry company, and deployed to Afghanistan. He is now a major in the Army and is attending the Graduate Course at the Judge Advocate General’s Legal Center and School in Charlottesville, VA.
Wes and his wife, Anne, have three children.
