Strength in Numbers: Getting Wins by Getting Help
By: Wes Cochrane
“Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors, there is safety.” Proverbs 11:14, English Standard Version.
Some translations of Proverbs 11:14 use the word “victory” in lieu of “safety.” Either way, I love this proverb and its message—seek help and win.
Have you ever battled insecurity over the prospect of asking for help?
Have you ever worried that asking for help at work was somehow an admission of incompetence?
How many times have you fretted over how colleagues – or superiors – would perceive you if you admitted that you needed a hand or (as is not uncommon) were treading water?
You’re not alone if you have.
Somehow, along the way – whether a result of Hollywood depictions of seemingly self-sufficient leaders, or some other input – many of us (myself included) imbibed the notion that leaders have the answers.
Always. They know everything. They don’t really need help. Admittedly, as I read these words, it is absurd to imagine that to be the case. Yet, I’m certain I’m not alone in this warped thinking.
The promotion, the predicament, and the prescription
In June 2020, I was internally promoted to a position I was not qualified for on paper. No joke. I was selected to be a Special Victim Prosecutor. In short, my job was to closely follow federal law enforcement investigations of soldiers and energize the development of certain “special victim” cases (e.g., child abuse, domestic violence, sexual assault, and rape) to go to trial. I had developed and prosecuted these types of cases the year prior, but now, with limited experience, I was expected to lead a team of prosecutors focused exclusively on these cases. I had done well the year prior and knew the nuts and bolts of what I was doing – knew how to block and tackle – but, frankly, my own inexperience terrified me.
From July to September 2020, we plugged along. I did my best to lead, and things appeared OK on the outside. Inwardly, however, I was battling massive pressure and fear – fear of failure, fear of not getting the results the team had the prior year, fear of embarrassment. It wasn’t until a conference (fully masked and socially distanced at the time) in mid-September, that I voiced some of these concerns to one of my superiors (a great mentor of mine who was helping to lead the conference).
His first question? “Wes, have you reached out for help?”
I had a blank, sheepish expression on my face, no doubt, as I responded, “Uhh, no Sir; nothing more than an email here and there.”
He gently admonished me to reach out and physically coordinate for more-than-email advice. He reminded me that we had experts within our organization that would field calls and even physically travel down to help me and my team in person.
Game changer.
I started asking for help. I don’t want to understate this. These weren’t just phone calls, texts, or emails. I literally asked these professionals (some of whom were peers of mine) to come help in person on more demanding cases. They graciously did.
Over the next 10 months, the small team I led (and our office in general) directly benefited from the injection of expertise that poured in through the simple act of asking for help. We worked with some of the best practitioners in our field. The results were not only encouraging, they were impressive; and we grew as a team. We had new connections and friendships with other practitioners that we would never have enjoyed.
All from getting help.
In admitting my need, doors opened to me that took me far beyond where I would have ever been on my own.
My team received help (and in some cases one-on-one coaching) that I wasn’t able to deliver. Pride narrowly held me back from that.
Three observations:
(1) One byproduct of reaching out for help is the culture it creates. When leaders ask for help, it makes it OK to ask for help. The prevailing culture of our team came to be one of collaboration and humility. We flexed to friction points as a team. We strategized as a team. All of us were smarter than one of us. We didn’t do this perfectly, but this became our normal.
(2) When you ask someone for help in your work, and you actually implement their advice and express genuine thankfulness, you’re giving them something in return – you’re affirming their usefulness, their expertise, and their decision to help. It feels good to be thanked and needed.
(3) Asking for help doesn’t mean you laze around while someone else does your job. In asking for help, neither I nor my team sat like bumps on a log. We did our homework, we worked hard, we listened to the advice we got. We showed gratitude. We actually formed relationships with these amazing people that took time to work with us. In short, to ask for help, is to build a relationship. And that’s what we did.
This simple idea of reaching out for help extends, universally, to any area of life (professional or otherwise). Humans are relational. We suffer in isolation. We thrive in teams. In our work, in our relationships, in our responsibilities, or in our physical or mental health, we all will need help. We all need “an abundance of counselors.”
A few questions for you:
In what areas are you holding yourself back by not seeking the counsel of others?
Right now, what problem could you solve at work by getting help?
How can you create (or cultivate) a culture of collaboration and humility in your team?
What can you do to avoid creating a no-fail type environment, where folks are afraid to appear weak or incompetent if they don’t immediately know something?
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Check out this recent episode with Sarah Roberts, where she discusses humble leadership:
Wes is passionate about leadership development and is a gifted speaker, coach, and teacher. Wes recently spent the last two years as a military prosecutor at the 82nd Airborne Division, where he was consistently praised for his advocacy skills by seasoned trial practitioners.
Wes is a graduate of the United States Military Academy at West Point, the University of Richmond School of Law, and the US Army’s Ranger, Airborne, and Air Assault schools. Prior to attending law school, Wes served as an infantry officer in the US Army where he led a rifle platoon, served as the second in command of an infantry company, and deployed to Afghanistan. He is now a major in the Army and is attending the Graduate Course at the Judge Advocate General’s Legal Center and School in Charlottesville, VA.
Wes and his wife, Anne, have three children.