Leading with Toughness AND Tenderness: In Memory of Coach T
By Ryan Brence
I’ve never heard a voice like his before.
As a young coach’s kid, I would make my daily walk after classes ended from my grade school to the neighboring high school to watch football practice. I could always get a sense of the energy in the air from his booming voice, which I recognized from a mile away.
“FIRE OFF THE BALL! GREAT PUSH! GET LOWER! WAY TO POP! MOVE YOUR FEET! PUNCH - DRIVE - FINISH!”
I don’t know whether to call it a roar, bellow, or bark, but it would scare the living daylights out of you—especially if it was your first time hearing it. But if you played football for this man, you quickly became intimately familiar with his resounding voice. That was the voice of the one and only Coach T. This man spent over 50 years coaching high school football, and last year, he passed away during the height of the pandemic.
This past weekend, generations of players, coaches, family, and friends gathered to reflect on and remember what Coach T. meant to our town, high school, and those he deeply impacted throughout the course of his career.
While his voice received attention, it was his intentional actions, caring nature, and generous heart that were most notably remembered.
Everyone that plays sports knows and remembers this type of coach—the one who shows and expresses their love for you but also holds you accountable to be the very best you can possibly be. This is the type of coach that you never want to let down but you know always has your back through the ups and downs and successes and failures.
When I reflect on Coach T.’s influence and impact, two things come to mind: his toughness AND his tenderness.
Toughness: Coach T. was a large, strong man. A past college football player himself, he embodied the tough, hard-nosed coach that players respected and also feared to a certain extent. His massive hands would engulf yours, and you were certain to feel (or hear) his presence whenever he was in close proximity.
Regardless of your position or status on the team, Coach T. would let you know, loudly and emphatically, if you were out of line or making fundamental mistakes.
He also made it a point to follow-up those coaching opportunities with a bear paw around your neck and explanation for his correction and how it impacted the team. This brings me to my second point - Coach T.’s tenderness.
Tenderness: As big and scary as Coach T. seemed, every one of his past players would emphasize his loving and caring nature off the field. As a long-time elementary school physical education teacher, Coach T. loved and adored kids of all ages. While he was passionate about the game of football and coached with all of his heart and soul, he recognized the bigger picture of helping mold young boys and girls into the very best versions of themselves.
He used his platform to honor his faith in God and consistently cultivated a family atmosphere that brought everyone together. As I mentioned before, regardless of your status on the team, Coach T. loved and cared for everyone equally, and we all felt it. It was tangible and genuinely authentic to who he was and the values and principles he stood for.
When I think of great leaders, it is those who have the right blend of toughness and tenderness that stand apart from the rest. Coach T. displayed this natural touch of leadership and influence that made you want to perform at your very best while also doing things the right way on and off the field. He inspired you to be the very best teammate you could possibly be in every sense of the word.
I’m so thankful and appreciative of Coach T.’s godly example of a life well-lived. As loud as he could be, it was his intentional actions and generous heart that will always be remembered. With the thousands of kids that he impacted over the years, I know Coach T.’s legacy will continue to echo on generation after generation...just like his one-of-a-kind voice that I could recognize from a mile away.
APPLICATION
Here are a few questions to consider:
Do you have a “Coach T.” in your life? If so, what qualities make them an effective and memorable leader?
Would you consider yourself more of a tough or tender leader? How can you intentionally lead with a combination of both approaches?
How can you live more intentionally to be someone else’s “Coach T.” months and years from now? The world desires and needs more leaders like him...
Let’s make it count!!
Ryan Brence is passionate about intentionally growing in his faith, relationships, and personal & professional knowledge. As a coach's son, Ryan grew up playing sports in Texas which eventually led him to play football at the United States Military Academy at West Point.
In the US Army, Ryan graduated from Airborne and Ranger School and served over eight years as an air defense artillery and civil affairs officer both at home and abroad.
After transitioning into the civilian sector, Ryan has worked in several roles spanning from sales and business development to operations and account management. He currently lives in Dallas, TX with his wife and daughter (with one daughter on the way!) and enjoys working out, reading, writing, and watching his favorite sports teams - Go Cowboys and Beat Navy!
For more learning, check out the following episodes of the Intentional Leader podcast:
