Intentional Letter: Slow and Small
An idea (empathy)
“Do you want to go for a walk with me, daddy?”
My two-year old son Teddy loves to ask this question, and I love to energetically say, "Yes!"
I love our walks. They are very simple. No real agenda. Just going for a slow walk with each other around our little neighborhood. We both get excited to be together.
And I've noticed something special happens on our walks.
The world slows down a bit. And I notice things. Small things.
I notice the leaves changing colors. I notice the maple trees and the Japanese maples (my favorite). I notice the little dinosaurs and pirate ship my sweet neighbor sets out for my son to play with on our walks. I notice Teddy skipping with excitement to be outside and free (an image I will cherish forever). I feel my soul start to catch up to my body that has been running 100 mph in what seems like 10 different directions.
I'm not in a hurry. And it's beautiful to all of a sudden appreciate all the little things that were there, I just wasn't giving them my attention.
In The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry, pastor and author John Mark Comer talks about the practice of "slowing." Before reading the book, I had never heard of this practice, but I want more of it.
He makes the case in the book that it is impossible to be in a hurry and be spiritually healthy.
From a leadership perspective, I would argue it's impossible to be in a hurry and practice empathy--the third skill to develop in emotional intelligence.
My worst moments in life and leadership often come when I'm rushed and hurried. Someone walks into my office and needs to talk, and instead of stepping away from my email to listen (or asking if we can connect in a few minutes so I can give them my full attention), I try to multitask by "listening" to them and finishing up my email.
(P.S. Those that think they are the best at multitasking are actually the worst)
Back to the practice of "slowing." Slowing really is a practice or a discipline. In other words, if you struggle with being in a hurry, you can take small steps to slow down your body and cultivate an awareness of people. When we do this, we start to build our empathy muscle.
Here are a few tips that John Mark gives in the book:
Come to a full stop at stop signs (Yeah I know . . . crazy)
Drive the speed limit :)
Walk more slowly
Eat more slowly (Apparently we're supposed to chew around 30 times per bite)
Take a break and get outside for a (slow) walk
Get outside, find something small, examine it, and appreciate it (a leaf, a tree, a bird)
When we slow down, we cultivate an ability to notice the small things. A coworker's smile. A team member that seems off.
When we slow down, we have more space to be curious. We ask the question . . . and then the follow up question.
This builds awareness, which builds connection and better, more informed decision making.
As we enter this holiday season, let's make an attempt to practice slowing.
And in the slowing, we might start noticing.
And maybe we will discover that the small things really are the big things.
Let me end with this quote from Arthur Brooks's book From Strength to Strength: "Satisfaction comes not from chasing bigger and bigger things, but paying attention to smaller and smaller things."
P.S. All of this is making you a more emotionally intelligent person and leader.
A question
What is one new (but slightly scary) thing you can start doing in 2025 that you have yet to try? What if you started small?
A quote and resource
"Gratitude isn't just something you have, it's something you learn and develop. It's a life skill. You can grow your capacity for gratefulness. You can cultivate your ability to pause, to look around, to be surprised and delighted by the world around you. When you slow down, you can better honor and feel the gift of each moment and the opportunity that comes with it. Life is a gift. And it is for you."
-- Kobi Yamada in Feeling Grateful (a book my daughter shared with me)
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Cal
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