Intentional Letter: Results vs. Relationships
An idea (Relationship Management)
As a leader of a team or organization, is it possible to get results and take care of people?
I think so. I also think this is both the challenge of leadership and the essence leadership: to create a culture of healthy relationships and to get results for the organization.
But how does one accomplish this?
Books have been written on this topic, but I think this is where we get to the fourth skill of emotional intelligence: relationship management.
As a review, the four skills of emotional intelligence are: (1) self-awareness, (2) self-management, (3) social awareness (empathy), and (4) relationship management.
Relationship management is where we bring all the other three skills together.
I have found that the best leaders get results and maintain great relationships by focusing on four key areas:
Clarity
High Standards
High Support
High Belief
First, they create a culture of macro and micro clarity. Everyone on the team understands the vision, and the leader fights to ensure people know why the organization exists, what is important right now (and what is not important), and who is supposed to do what. They create, communicate, and reinforce clarity on their team. Clear is kind.
Second, they make it clear to the team that the standard of performance is excellence. This is because they understand the mission is too important not to pursue excellence. And top performers want to feel like they are engaged in a worthy cause where excellence is expected. This means leaders have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations for the good of the organization.
Third, as their team embarks on this mission with excellence, they give their team the training, resources, and attention that is needed to accomplish it. This is high support. Organizations that have high standards without high support feel too demanding and even cruel. Organizations with high support but low standards don't get results and good people will leave because they actually (it's a bit counterintuitive) want to be pushed towards excellence. Great people want to feel like they are part of something great.
Finally, the best leaders communicate a deep belief in the the success of their people and the organization. This is what Jim Collins talks about in Good to Great when he refers to the Stockdale Paradox, named after Admiral James Stockdale, a high ranking US military officer who was a prisoner of war during the Vietnam War. Stockdale was tortured more than 20 times and had no certainty of when he would be released, but he was able to balance realism with optimism. He was able to confront the most brutal facts of his current reality without ever losing faith that he would ultimately prevail. The best leaders do this for themselves, their people, and their organization.
So if you want to get results and have healthy relationships, ask yourself whether you're doing those four things:
Clarity. Are you creating, communicating, and reinforcing clarity?
High Standards. Are you holding yourself and others to high standards of excellence?
High Support. Are you giving your team the support they need? This often looks like training, resources, and removing barriers.
High Belief. Are you believing -- and communicating a belief -- that you and your team will succeed?
P.S. All of this is making you a more emotionally intelligent person and leader.
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Also, if you'd like to increase your self-awareness and clarity as we enter 2025, check out my Discover Your Core Values Mini Course. I've now had over 150 students go through the course. Taylor said it was a "game-changer." John said he "feels more confident showing up in an intentional way with his family." And Richie said it was a "transformative experience." Learn more here.
A question
We live in a world that is overloaded with busyness, information, and things we "must" do. What is one thing that should be on your "Not-To-Do" List in 2025?
A quote and resource
"Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe."
-- Abraham Lincoln
The Mission
I am on a mission to help thousands of leaders gain clarity, courage, community, and consistency in their lives. Thank you for joining me on this journey!
I'm rooting for you,
Cal
➡️ When you're ready, I can help you gain more joy and deep clarity with my Core Values Mini Course. It has helped over 150 leaders live a truly intentional life. Join here 🎯
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