How to Become the Best You: A Goal Setting Method for the New Year
By: Timothy Janes
It’s the end of the year, and you know what that means: Companies and individuals alike will be looking towards 2022 with lofty aspirations, setting SMART goals for themselves that will bring growth and advancement. Once they attain those goals, that’s when fulfillment will be achieved. That is the dream, right? Achievement, attainment, advancement - but to what end?
If you’re like me, you may look at some of the goals and metrics that are set and wonder: what are we actually striving for? Will we truly find fulfillment when we reach our goals?
I’m a goal setter, for sure, and I’ll talk more about how goals fit into my life later. However, I’ve become rather disenchanted with goals lately, at least in the way that they are usually spoken about. Instead, I’m choosing to turn towards a new way of living; one that I have found to lead to more fulfillment, while still allowing for a sense of achievement.
I’ve found that fulfillment doesn’t come from attaining SMART goals. Instead, it comes from living in alignment with my values. It comes from consistent behaviors that leave me healthy, happy, and connected to others. It comes from truly living in the moment - recognizing the ebbs and flows of life and expressing gratitude throughout.
In this post, I’ll start by introducing you to the ideas of seasons and themes. After that, we’ll delve into how systems and habits form the foundation upon which our values can thrive. Next, I will give you a 3-step process that will allow you to reflect on how seasons, themes, systems, and habits have played a role in your life over the past year, how they can help you intentionally create the life you want to live for next year, and how to keep consistency in your habits over time. Finally, I’ll end with a discussion on how goals fit into the picture. The objective is to give you practical frameworks and takeaways that you can use immediately to lead a more fulfilling life.
Seasons & Themes
Wes Cochrane, another member of the Intentional Leader team, discussed the concept of seasons in his last blog post on embracing the ordinary. To liken it to being a farmer - sometimes we’re tilling the soil, sometimes sowing seeds, sometimes tending the crop, and sometimes we get to harvest. We have multiple fields of crops in our lives; we must find a balance to tend to the ones that add value to our life. Sometimes we lose a crop, so we start again from the beginning. The key is to fully recognize the seasons we are in, not taking for granted the process of becoming - the hard work that we put in towards the comparatively few seasons of harvest we get to experience.
This year, I’m opting for a new way of setting intentions for the coming year. I’m choosing to intentionally pursue Themes that I believe will reflect my highest self - the self that utilizes my talents to make a difference in the lives of others, while taking care of my own physical, mental, and spiritual health.
Themes are the patterns that show up in our lives; the interwoven threads running through disparate parts of our experience. Though we constantly move across activities, communities, and situations, each experience leaves its own imprint on a singular canvas that we call our soul. When we turn inward and look at our soul, we can see Themes emerge on the canvas - they are the similar shapes, colors, and textures that make themselves apparent when we actually take the time to pause and examine. Often, they closely reflect the seasons that we’re in when the imprints are made.
Systems & Habits
I will pursue my Themes by putting habits in place that, when practiced consistently, will guarantee growth. Not growth for growth’s sake, but growth toward a better future for myself and for others. Fulfillment will come in the process, not in the outcome, for it’s in the process where I will live according to my values and mission. It’s in the process where I will bend, mold, and shape myself into a better version of “Tim.”
I know that the habits will not take care of themselves. One of the reasons we often fail to maintain a change (sometimes in the form of a new year’s resolution), is because we view changes as outcomes. In his book Atomic Habits, James Clear writes: “You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” We must focus on the systems that lead to the attainment of our goals. The systems we put in place should encourage us to perform our habits consistently, for that will lead to success.
A good place to start for identifying desired habits is to ask yourself: “What kind of person do I want to be?” James Clear offers this idea, as it gives us a picture to paint for ourselves. It’s never an end-goal, but a creation that’s constantly in the making. We start putting brush strokes on the canvas, add to it, make adjustments, and sometimes even start over entirely. Our habits are the brush strokes that add to or detract from our life painting.
As I look toward next year, I’m building systems that will create the space for my Themes to flourish. I’m identifying habits that will make my life painting beautiful, unique, and inspiring.
So, what does this look like? How can you plan for 2022 using the concept of Themes? How can you operationalize your habits?
Step 1: Reflect on where you are and what has come before.
I recently put my friends from my Contemplative Leaders in Action (CLA) cohort through this exercise. I believe that to move forward, we must first establish a foundation of where we are now and where we have come from. So, I asked my friends to reflect on 2021:
What seasons did each person experience? How did those seasons show up in their lives?
What Themes had they noticed in 2021? How did those Themes show up?
As the seasons and Themes unfolded, how did they feel?
I wasn’t just the facilitator, I was a participant, too. For me, I came out of 2020 having tilled a lot of figurative soil - turning it over, seeing if I liked what was beneath, figuring out what soil was most fertile for growth. I began 2021 by sowing lots of seeds in the leadership and development space - taking grad school classes, making new connections, and writing blog posts. As 2021 continued, I was tending my crop - writing more posts, reading books, listening to podcasts, and building relationships. As 2021 winds down, I have been lucky enough to experience the harvest - being elected as a board member for a local non-profit, getting married, and making meaningful contributions at work - while still tending my crop in many ways.
As far as Themes, I uncovered Discovery and Connection showing up throughout the past year. Regarding Discovery, I solidified my values, clarified my mission, found a sense of direction, and uncovered limiting beliefs from my past. For Connection, I overlaid my values into my personal and professional lives, and began to fully appreciate the connection between my past experiences and my current self. For example, and it’s a great one:
The reason I began volunteering with the aforementioned non-profit was as a capstone project for my CLA program. As the pandemic came in 2020, I continued offering different volunteer services to that non-profit, while also getting into leadership podcasts and books. From those, I started my own blog and also began a Masters in Organization Development and Leadership. As 2021 rolled around, I connected with Cal - our gracious podcast host for Intentional Leader - and joined the team in April. My first blog post for Intentional Leader was on Servant Leadership. That post ended up resonating strongly with the current board members of the non-profit, and that, connected with my experience in process management, my masters in organization development, and my contribution to the non-profit organization thus far, was enough for them to feel that I could contribute in a board-level role. So, in August, I was asked if I was interested in being slated for election. That role on the board, as it turns out, is entirely aligned with my values and personal mission. Do you see how I found Connection among all of these?
I truly believe that if you consistently put your energy towards what is right for you, then things will come together. For me, that means putting my energy towards the person that God is calling me to be. For others, it may be aligning oneself to their greatest interests. Still others may find this to be what they “just have to do.”
The last piece of this reflection is important, and it was actually one of the biggest realizations that my cohort-mates and I came across: we often fail to recognize what seasons we’re in while we’re experiencing them. I certainly didn’t fully appreciate my season of sowing seeds - how was I supposed to know that any of them would blossom? And, let me tell you something: tending the crop is HARD and often feels monotonous. Even the harvest, if we get there, can be scary, since we don’t know how long it will last, or when the next time we will experience it again will be. The key is to live in the present moment - recognizing the season for what it is, and practicing gratitude for the experiences as they come.
As we leave 2021 behind, I am still feeling a sense of harvest, however I’m also sowing more seeds and tending some other crops.
Step 2: Identify your desired Themes and habits.
The past is just that: the past. There’s nothing we can do about it now. We can, however, be deliberate about the creation of our present and future.
Looking toward 2022, there are events and experiences that I already have planned. There are also other things that I want to bring into my life. Just like looking backwards into 2021 for connective tissue helped us identify Themes from our prior experience, looking forward into 2022 for interwoven threads between both the already-planned and the not-yet-planned will inform our Themes for next year.
As my CLA cohort moved into the 2022 planning portion of our time, I prompted them with:
What seasons and themes do you anticipate in 2022? How will they show up?
What can they do either now or in 2022 to align with their higher selves and their values?
How will they regularly check in on their themes, values, and habits?
For this, I offered a framework for identifying Themes, then planning habits that underpin the manifestation of the Themes. The framework looks like this:
Theme
How it shows up #1
Habit #1
Habit #2
How it shows up #2
Habit #1
How it shows up #3
Habit #1
I offer one of my 2022 Themes as an example:
Alignment
Of values to God & spirit
Attend church 1x/week
Connect with God 1x/day (even if for a few short moments)
Of actions to values & mission statement
Weekly values & mission review (calendar reminder)
Of physical body (spine)
Use kneeling chair at home desk
Posture exercises each time attending gym
Of mind to body
Meditate 3x/week for at least 10 mins/occurrence
Don’t feel either overwhelmed or limited by my example. Everyone’s Themes, experiences, and habits will be different. Some may have a single big experience that will constitute its very own Theme for the year. Some will have even more things listed under one Theme than I do! Some will have a single Theme in total, while others may have five Themes. The key is in the framework itself - we start from a high level and work our way to the habits that form our foundation. For me, the Theme of Alignment correlates to my expected season of tending the crop, as I’ve sowed a lot of these seeds over the past few years.
As with our reflection earlier, the third question is a crucial piece of the puzzle. It’s imperative to regularly check in on our Themes, values, and habits. If we don’t, we run the risk of wasting energy on inevitably fruitless ventures. Checking in draws us back to the present to notice where we have come from, where we are, and confirm the direction we want to head in. It’s also the time when we can appreciate progress, sit in discomfort of becoming, and apply lessons we have learned from the journey thus far.
Step 3: Perform habits consistently, practice self-compassion, and practice mindfulness.
Ultimately, the habits that we perform will determine how our life unfolds. Show me your habits, and I’ll tell you what your values are.
Only you can know which habits will lead to fulfillment for you. Also, only you can be responsible for sticking to your own habits. Knowing this is both frightening and freeing. You are responsible for carrying your own load, which can feel heavy at times. On the other hand, you don’t have to rely on others for your happiness or fulfillment - you have the power inside of you to manifest these things for yourself.
We all fall short of our espoused habits and values. Practicing self-compassion can help us move past those moments, rather than getting stuck in a pit of shame. Humor can help, as well - it’s okay to laugh at yourself for doing something out of alignment. When we fall short, a good way to move on is to simply laugh, identify why we fell short, show ourselves some love, and then pick ourselves up and try again.
Remember, consistency is the key. Even if your habits are practiced in small doses, you’re still realizing your values and Themes. If you workout three times a week for 15 minutes each time, you’re still the type of person that doesn’t miss a workout. Focus on establishing consistent rhythms in life, then scale them for impact.
Remaining mindful of our habits helps us identify when we have veered off course. It’s a lot easier to course-correct if we notice it happening sooner rather than later. Practicing mindfulness also helps us fully appreciate each moment we live in, connect with others, and align our actions with our values.
How Goals Fit In
As I mentioned at the beginning of this post, I’m still a goal setter. I believe that goals can be important targets to aim our energy at. They can galvanize a burst of effort towards a specific cause. Especially in the short-term, they can be powerful in prioritizing our endeavors. Goals can also help us measure specific impacts on business, finances, relationships, and many other arenas of life.
However, the achievement of goals for achievement’s sake is an empty pursuit. Chasing goals that don’t align with our values or mission seems to be a major contributor to burnout. Placing our value as people on the attainment of goals separates us from our center; from our highest selves. Our worth is in more than the goals that we accomplish; it’s intrinsic to our existence as human beings. Aligning with our intrinsic worth is found in living our values, making contributions to others, and expressing gratitude for our life.
Conclusion
I hope that you have found value from this post, and that it gives you a framework for identifying how you or your team can align your actions to your values. The exercise described above can be done individually, or also in a group. Doing it with a group can be a powerful experience, as we get to learn more about what others have experienced, and what their hopes are for the future.
If you go through this exercise, let us know what you find by dropping a comment below, by tagging Intentional Leader on LinkedIn, or by visiting our Intentional Leader Lab on Facebook! We would also love feedback on the exercise via private message or through our contact form. Please let us know if there is any way that we can help you bravely enter into the new year while discovering your own fulfillment!
Tim is a young professional whose life mission is to create supportive communities, so that others may thrive. He is the Process Manager for an HVAC distributor, where he has worked since he graduated from The University of Scranton in 2015.
With a bachelors in Operations Management and a minor in Philosophy, Tim spends his time critically thinking about optimizing people and processes. He strongly believes that each person has the power within them to positively affect the world, and that the role of a leader is to help their people harness that power.
Tim subscribes to the ideals of Servant Leadership, more specifically in connection with Jesuit/Ignatian ideals of care for the whole person, service of others, and striving for the "more." Tim lives in New Jersey with his wife, and he has a passion for soccer, photography, and personal development.